Guest Cat Of The Month For July: Jem

Name
Jem

Nicknames
Coutros Coutros Ghali, Princess Di, Little @$%!£$

Age
3

Owner
Cat. Confusing, isn’t it?

Catchphrase?
I like to go for a basic ‘Maow’ at ever-increasing volumes, accompanied by the all-important Princess Diana sad eyes.

Favourite habits?
Darting between legs into rooms I’m not allowed in, writhing around on the kitchen floor, getting people to fall madly in love with me.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?
I find that an evening isn’t complete without head-butting Cat’s arm to make her spill scalding tea on her lap. If I ever tire of that, I will truly be tired of life.

Favourite food?
Cupcakes, preferably toffee and pecan. I’ve never actually eaten one of these tasty morsels, but that’s not for want of trying. Ooh and I do like a nice bit of parma ham once in a while.

Defining moment of your life?
The epic car journey from London to Edinburgh last year. Imagine, if you will, Frodo’s quest in Lord of the Rings. But with fewer elves and wizards and silliness.

Any enemies?
Heavens, no! But I have, however, noticed a couple of books lying around the house: The Perfect Puppy and Before & After Getting Your Puppy. Surely this must be some kind of sick joke? I’ll get back to you in a couple of weeks and let you know.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?
In any civilized world, all floors should be carpeted. There’s nothing more demeaning than cornering like a bad cartoon when chasing my sister from one room to another.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
Princess Diana, God rest her soul. But I suppose I’ll have to settle for that Kate Middleton. Her hair is almost as glossy as mine. We could swap grooming tips.

Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with?
Janet, dammit. He was a prince among cats. AND SO VERY HANDSOME!

Biography
My sister and I arrived in the world and were swiftly abandoned on a shop roof. Sadly I can’t remember which shop, but I like to think it was Selfridges. If anyone tells you it was a mobile phone kiosk next door to Chicken Cottage, they are LYING.
Luckily the lovely people at Celia Hammond came to our rescue and took us to a magical place called Lewisham. Where we waited. And waited. And waited some more. For some reason all the other cats were picked before us. Scout blamed me, of course, but it’s not my fault I’m missing half a leg, is it?!
After three long months Cat came along, I pulled the old Princess Diana eyes trick and the rest, as they say, is history. Some other things have happened since then, but you’ll have to wait for the impending New York Times bestselling official biography to find out the juicy details.




For more info on Jem's human's work, go to www.catclarke.com

Celebrity Guest Cat Of The Month For February: Harrison

Name?
George Harrison, born on 29th Nov 2001, the day the Beatle died. Breeder heard the news story and decided to see if anyone had officially registered a cat as George Harrison. They hadn't. So I am he. My sister has jumped on bandwagon and is now named after another icon, Dusty Springfield. But she ISN'T official.

Nicknames?
Apparently owner had owned a "George" in a less fulfilled life , so I'm Harrison. Wobbly human logic means sister is "Springfield" so everyone thinks she's something to do with cartoons. To look at her, you'd agree.

Age?
8

Owner?
Maggie.

Catchphrase?
Let me at that cat.

Favourite habits? Killing socks. Making sister's life a total nightmare.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you? The above.

Favourite food?
Mayonnaise

Defining moment of your life?
Falling off off first floor windowsill when *someone* shut curtains suddenly. Now have broken front tooth.

Any enemies?
What do you think?

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?
Less moaning about gas bills, get that heating on 24/7.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
Mr Hellmann.

Which one of the cats in Under The Paw would you like to be stuck in a lift with?
Line them up. I'll take them all on.

Brief biography?
Still much to do but suspect I will be remembered for revealing collection of neighborhood socks. I have stolen from THE VERY BEST in West London. I drag them to my food bowl and crunch them with my biscuits.

Exclusive Interview With Sockington: New King Of Webkittehs

As many regular Under The Paw readers will know, Janet, who is arguably my most sociable cat in the real world, has for the last year been serving as Under The Paw's feline representative on Facebook. Every day, a few more people ask to be his friend, and he gladly accepts. At the time of writing, his total facepals numbers 2620, which I thought was quite impressive, until I set up my own Twitter profile and came across Sockington, who has arguably now taken over from the likes of Simon's Cat, the talking kittens and that piano-playing moggy as the web's most popular feline. At this exact time of 15.29 gmt on the 20th May, 2009, he has a grand total of 522,668 followers, and his energetic, sleep- and food-obsessed free jazz bulletins (e.g. "hosting drive-time radio show except no radio not drive time just mealtime YES THAT'S RIGHT I AM SIMPLY ASKING FOR FOOD and now these words") are right up there on my must-read Twitter list with @serafinowicz ("Years ago I was very egocentric. I'd spend hours at the computer, Altavistaing myself") and the similarly, though not-quite-so-intentionally, amusing @TimWestwood (a mere 15,146 followers).

Sockington (aka Socks) only communicates directly with other webcats, and not humans, but today Janet was lucky enough to grab a few words with him in a break in his increasingly heavy schedule: a scoop that even The Sun doesn't seem to have been able to get....

Janet: How on earth does a former homeless cat like you go about getting that many followers? How did it all start to snowball?

Sockington: AM JUST A CAT AND AM NOT SURE but at some point I was made a featured twitter cat and EVERYBODY SHOWED UP am perfectly fine with that get hugs get sent stuff in mail

Janet: What is the oddest request you've had since becoming famous?

Sockington: I WAS ASKED TO BE A SPOKESCAT FOR A NUMBER OF PRODUCTS THAT well let me put it this way IT WAS NOT APPROPRIATE TO THINK A CAT WOULD ENDORSE THESE PRODUCTS

Janet: Who is your favourite celebrity follower on Twitter, and why?

Sockington: DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION people of all types follow me and I follow animals and THAT'S HOW IT GOES PEOPLE

Janet: How does your housemate Pennycat feel about (currently) *only* having just under 4000 followers, in contrast to your 522,668?

Sockington: SHE IS PERFECTLY FINE WI ow ow ow ow ow

Pennnycat: Excuse me, hello. Penny here. I would like anyone reading this to immediately subscribe to @pennycat and stop following @sockington. If you want proper, refined cultural insight from a lady who's known some rough times and yet has come out on top, I'm your gal. That is all.

Janet: Can you give me a short biog, taking in how you came to live with Jason, and your favourite habits?

Sockington: OK SO I AM SITTING NEAR THIS SUBWAY STOP AND IT IS VERY BORING but lots of big people around AND SOME SMELL LIKE FOOD so then all day I'm waiting and WOW SOMEONE PICKED ME UP which was not entirely cool but hey hungry WENT TO A FEW PLACES AND ENDED UP HERE IN LOVELY CATVANYA WITH NICE ROOMMATE PENNY AND FATTY livelong days are awesome with olympic pillow sleep and occasional red dot

Janet: If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for cats, what
would it be?

Sockington: FREE CATNIP AHOY

Janet: The servant of the Under The Paw cats recently wrote a cat dictionary. We six cats aren't so sure about it, to be honest. As someone who probably knows about these things, do you see any drastic errors or oversights?

Sockington: oh god so many words I MEAN IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD I AM TOTALLY DOWN WITH THE MOUSESTACHE AND HAVE SPORTED A FEW OF MY OWN pip pip I NOTICE THERE IS NO DEFINITION FOR SOCKINGTON HOWEVER get on that

Janet: Any particular factors you put your incredible popularity down to? Do you think it's more to do with your inquisitive eyes, staring out from that amazingly symmetrical white and grey mask, or your free jazz prose style?

Sockington: MY CURRENT ASSUMPTION IS THAT ALL THE FOLLOWERS ARE ALSO CATS AND WANT MY TUNA ha ha too late it is in me CRAZY FOLLOWER CATS ALSO SEEM TO APPRECIATE ROBUST TALES OF HEARTY YALE OR WHATEVER and that I show there is no shame in the world-class all-day sleep

Janet: Where do you see all this Twitter business ending? Has fame changed you in any way?

Sockington: NOTHING EVER ENDS ADRIAN wait wrong movie HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS IS GOING THEREBY LIVING THE TRUE OUTLOOK OF CAT just keep the kibble coming fatty and nobody gets hurt AS FOR CHANGE I AM ENTIRELY THE SAME
EXCEPT FOR THE LIMO

I'm going to regret this, aren't I?

I'm sure this is going to make me feel like Buffy The Vampire Slayer in the episode where she can suddenly hear everyone's thoughts and ends up with world's worst migraine, but I am now on Twitter at twitter.com/tomcox75 in case you'd like to follow the random, often cat-related thoughts that make up my day.