Dollycat - apparently people might not realise I'm part of the master race.
Squeaky - highly offensive, my miaow is lady-like and sounds nothing like an old door.
Scaredy cat - another lie, I'm actually running to the human to provide her with protection.
Princess - This isn't a nickname, it's my birthright.
I avoid music wherever possible, it only encourages her to sing. And that's more painful than a room full of wailing cats.
Five on 15th April (Gifts and cards will gratefully received for up to 30 days after the big day).
You mean who do I own? My human is the bookshop blogger, Erica. She's a little obsessed and quite frankly the large number of books piling up around the house from all her travels is getting ridiculous. At least, that's what I tell her. Secretly I think they're great fun for hiding behind, climbing over and generally smothering in fur.
Also, when she's reading a book she doesn't move about too much so I get to enjoy plenty of undisturbed lap time.
Erica rescued me from the Cats Protection League last summer. She'd spent an entire day meeting every single resident there so I knew she'd be a good human to move in with and made sure I told her so the moment we met. We don't talk about my life before or during that dark time, but I'm very grateful to the charity for introducing me to such a pushover.
Who needs a catchphrase when you've eyes as beautiful and winning as mine?
Accidentally forgetting to retract my claws when swatting my human awake at 6am. She pretends she doesn't find it cute but as she always gets up to feed me I know otherwise.
What constitutes a perfect evening for you?
Lap. Chin rub. Adoration. Sleep. Repeat. (My human is well trained.)
My delicate stomach means I have to watch what I eat but any expensive biscuits generally go down a treat.
Defining moment of your life?
Convincing her we should move house because there are too many scary cats in the neighbourhood. That was the day I realised she is my slave.
Cats. Every last one of them, especially Pointy Face from four doors down who keeps trying to claim my garden. Oh, and mice, and birds, and frogs, and anything non-human really. Wildlife's a bit too wild for my liking.
If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be?
Mandatory lap time between the hours of 8am and midnight. And chin rubs at least five times a day.
Which celebrity would you most like to meet and why?
Marlon Brando would obviously be the ultimate for a discerning cat such as myself - have you seen the photo of the cat with him and the typwriter? Swoon. But my human's not convinced, so I suppose I could settle for any cat-adoring author if I have to.
Which of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail, and The Good, The Bad And The Furry would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?
Does it have to be a cat? I don't like cats. They're scary and they pick on me, er, I mean, don't show me the respect I deserve. Can't I have Tom? Oh, okay then, I guess Roscoe could be fun. But not Ralph, I reckon he'd be too threatened by my beauty.
Erica is a bookshop stalker. She travels the country to 'meet' bookshops, which she then writes about in a weekly blog The Bookshop Around The Corner: http://www.thebookshoparoundthecorner.co.uk