Guest Cat Of The Month For July: Jem

Name
Jem

Nicknames
Coutros Coutros Ghali, Princess Di, Little @$%!£$

Age
3

Owner
Cat. Confusing, isn’t it?

Catchphrase?
I like to go for a basic ‘Maow’ at ever-increasing volumes, accompanied by the all-important Princess Diana sad eyes.

Favourite habits?
Darting between legs into rooms I’m not allowed in, writhing around on the kitchen floor, getting people to fall madly in love with me.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?
I find that an evening isn’t complete without head-butting Cat’s arm to make her spill scalding tea on her lap. If I ever tire of that, I will truly be tired of life.

Favourite food?
Cupcakes, preferably toffee and pecan. I’ve never actually eaten one of these tasty morsels, but that’s not for want of trying. Ooh and I do like a nice bit of parma ham once in a while.

Defining moment of your life?
The epic car journey from London to Edinburgh last year. Imagine, if you will, Frodo’s quest in Lord of the Rings. But with fewer elves and wizards and silliness.

Any enemies?
Heavens, no! But I have, however, noticed a couple of books lying around the house: The Perfect Puppy and Before & After Getting Your Puppy. Surely this must be some kind of sick joke? I’ll get back to you in a couple of weeks and let you know.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?
In any civilized world, all floors should be carpeted. There’s nothing more demeaning than cornering like a bad cartoon when chasing my sister from one room to another.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
Princess Diana, God rest her soul. But I suppose I’ll have to settle for that Kate Middleton. Her hair is almost as glossy as mine. We could swap grooming tips.

Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with?
Janet, dammit. He was a prince among cats. AND SO VERY HANDSOME!

Biography
My sister and I arrived in the world and were swiftly abandoned on a shop roof. Sadly I can’t remember which shop, but I like to think it was Selfridges. If anyone tells you it was a mobile phone kiosk next door to Chicken Cottage, they are LYING.
Luckily the lovely people at Celia Hammond came to our rescue and took us to a magical place called Lewisham. Where we waited. And waited. And waited some more. For some reason all the other cats were picked before us. Scout blamed me, of course, but it’s not my fault I’m missing half a leg, is it?!
After three long months Cat came along, I pulled the old Princess Diana eyes trick and the rest, as they say, is history. Some other things have happened since then, but you’ll have to wait for the impending New York Times bestselling official biography to find out the juicy details.




For more info on Jem's human's work, go to www.catclarke.com