Guest Cat Of The Month For November: Biscuit, REAL LIFE Neighbour Of The Under The Paw Cats

Name
Miss Ginger Biscuit

Nicknames
Madam Sausage, Porkalina, Miss Pook, Alter Ego, the occasional appearance of Garibaldi Biscuit, a suspiciously good natured cat who appears and then disappears in the blink of an eye.

Theme Tune
Fat bottomed Girls

Age
At least 12

Owners
Deborah and David.

Catchphrase
"Tummy action! Ooh Juicy!"

Favourite Habits
Nipping ankles, eating, protest pooing, eating, emergency biscuit hoarding, eating, failing to climb trees, eating, lying down, ruining clothing, eating, ruining furniture, banging the door until the servants get up to feed me at 5 in the morning.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?
An episode of Autumn Watch, following by a bit of piping (lying on the floor under which the central heating pipes run) to the tune of “Piping it, we’re piping it”. Licking the parmesan cheese left on plates when the servants aren’t looking, lifted into the sink for a drink from the dripping tap, and then hoisted onto the bed for snoozing.

Favourite food
Parmesan cheese, tuna (but it has to be in spring water), biscuit (obviously) and a tiny bit of cream to finish.

Defining moment of your life
Recovering from cat flu having been fed beef tea by a pipette in a steam filled room by my Mum – after which I became a dysfunctional prima donna.

Any enemies?
All other cats...in the world

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be?
Being able to communicate better with the idiots that look after us.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
I am the centre of the universe, and you are all here to serve me. I do not understand the concept of celebrity.

Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with?
Billy Bear aka The Bear. So I can sit on him.

Brief biography
Discovered in a Norwich garden, this very poorly kitten beat the cat flu odds and moved in with the sickeningly perfect Sefton T. Cat (sadly no longer with us) and has continued to grow for the next 12 years into the thing of rotund splendour we know and love today. Continues to terrorise Billy Bear, even though he only wants love.





Watch Biscuit in action here, here, here and here.