A Guide To The Referendum For Cats

Stuart Maconie on Talk To The Tail

"Even a confirmed and partisan dog person such as myself cannot fail to be charmed by Tom Cox's gently seductive prose and his quirky tales of singular feline behaviour. A delight." - Pies And Prejudice author/DJ Stuart Maconie on Talk To The Tail

How I Fell In Love With A Fat Ginger Stoner: Piece By Me From Today's Sunday Telegraph Stella Magazine

It wasn’t a slow burn thing between and Samson and me: I fell in love with him from the moment he first trespassed on my property. “Cat” would have been one description of him, but “ginger beach ball that just happened to have a cat’s head on top” would perhaps have been a more accurate one. He’d been the first feline interloper in the Norfolk house I’d moved into in summer 2004, and lacked the wiliness of alien cats who’d come through catdoors to steal my own moggies’ food before. As I found him munching away at the biscuit dispenser, he’d looked up at me in a casual, near stoned kind of way. Had he been able to speak, I’m certain his greeting would have ended in the word “Dude”.

It wasn’t until a month later that I found out Samson belonged to Ruby, the old lady who lived across the road. For years, Ruby had invited her neighbours to her beautiful Georgian house for Christmas drinks, and this year she’d extended the invitation to me and Dee. Since moving away from London in 2001, we’d pinged stressfully around Norfolk, from one problem neighbour to another, and here, in an 85 year-old’s living room, it seemed, finally, was a form of peace. Finding our mysterious roly-poly ginger trespasser sitting on Ruby’s sofa, adults perched around him like secondary citizens, was a bonus. Even now, when I think of the phrase “perfect neighbourhood”, I conjure up a picture of a small street with several dozen Rubys on it, all accompanied by happy marmalade cat.

I soon realised that Ruby’s relationship with Samson was an unusually close one. Her husband had died over two decades earlier, her three sons all lived far away, and, while she lived a social and sprightly life, Samson was her main companion. Her house was always fresh and airy, and looked immaculate. The exceptions were her sofas and armchairs, which were so violently slashed, one might have imagined a special task force of inept policemen had recently cut them open in a drugs raid. Then there were her hands. “He likes to give me little nips, from time to time,” she said, showing me cracked skin and knuckles raging dark purple with bruises.

I’ve written two books about my cats now, so my status as a lifelong feline lover is very much “out”, but back when I first met Ruby, I’d often find people surprised by my attachment to an animal often viewed as “for women”. Being a cat lover has led me to many unlikely friendships, none more so than the one I developed with Ruby over the next five years. She was an octogenarian church group regular with a passion for Debussy and Marks & Spencer thermals. I was a 30something agnostic with unruly hair, a beard, flares and a large collection of prog rock. Yet, in our cats, we found common ground. Before long, we were recommending books to one another, and I was accompanying her to classical music recitals in Norwich. She didn’t quite get to the stage of listening to my Atomic Rooster LPs, but she’d trustingly feed me neighbourhood gossip: the gardener who dressed up in women’s clothes, the hospital that was closed down due to philandering doctors and nurses, stories which neither of us found any less fascinating for being four decades out of date.

Sadly, I didn’t see a lot of Ruby in the months immediately preceding her sudden death, in spring 2009. I’d been somewhat AWOL amidst the demise of my marriage, and not made the effort to stay in touch I should have. After offering my condolences to her son, Jonathan, I asked what had happened to Samson. “He’s still here. Would you like him?” he said. I agonised. The idea of a large ginger cat who looked like he was addicted to class B drugs had its appeal, but I already had six cats of my own. Fortunately, a little research led me to Daniel and Louise, friends of a friend, who sounded interested in Samson.

Two days later, the couple collected him, and I watched as Jonathan made journey after journey into Ruby’s cupboard, emerging with more of the attendant paraphernalia of East Anglia’s most loved cat: a ceramic likeness, some Samson coasters Ruby had had custom made, and what I can best describe as a “feline skateboard”. “Oh, and he’s used to getting a chicken wing a day,” said Jonathan.

I hear Samson is still doing well now. Following his new diet, he appears to be clad in an oversized ginger jumper. He’s on dry-food only now, and scratching is not allowed. He’s still prone to the odd wander, though, and I like to think that these lead him through the catslap of a kindly neighbour, who will sate his appetite as his big blank moonface looks up at them. My street, meanwhile, feels just a bit colder without him and his owner.



Read more about Samson in Talk To The Tail!

Read the book before Talk To The Tail: Under The Paw!

The Honey Badger: The "Crazy F***" Of The Animal Kingdom

The Under The Paw Cats Hanging Out In The Sun

Read more about Ralph, Shipley, The Bear and pals in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail!

Duck In My Conservatory

Heard a sound. Thought: "That's odd. Sounds like a duck pissing about in my conservatory." Went to look. Turned out there was a duck pissing about in my conservatory.

Ralph In Neckties, #3: 'Gangland Sleaze'

Tough Cats Comp Winner Luvly And Friends With His Winnings

Some pics of Luvly, the winner of Under The Paw's Toughest Cat contest, with his Applaws winnings, which he's been sharing with - or guarding quite fiercely from, by the looks of things - the rest of the residents of Shropshire Cat Rescue.

Writers And Cats Blog

Absolutely love this collection of photos of authors with their cats. Okay, the blog is actually called Writers And Kitties, but I have an aversion to the word "kitties" in much the same way I have an aversion to the word "herbs" being prounced "erbs", so I have changed it for my own convenience.

This is Patricia Highsmith. I like her books, and once wrote piece about her for The Guardian. My guess is that, if she ever used an online dating site, she probably took the advice of friends, and left this pic out of her profile:



This is Don DeLillo. I like some of his books, except not quite as many of them as I did when I was 22, and more pretentious:



More here....

Cat And Dolphin Make Friends

Cat Puts On Its Own Rabbit Mask

Tired Cat Passes Out

The 2011 Search For The Internet's Toughest Moggies: The Winners

Massive thanks to everyone who entered this year's Toughest Cat Comp, and those who tried to sway (and probably did, slightly) the judges. To be honest, there was virtually nothing to choose between the top three - each of whom displays a very different kind of feline toughness to their peers - but my final decision was largely dictated by the fact that I'm a sucker for a good feline rescue story. So, without further ado...

THIRD PLACE
Punk


SECOND PLACE
Beeswax


THE CHAMPION:
Luvly
Before:

After:


Punk and Beeswax both win signed copies of my latest book, Talk To The Tail, which they will hopefully let their owners read after they've finished. Luvly, meanwhile, will received a signed copy, including a special illustration by Jackie Morris, and a £100 HAMPER of the addictive Applaws cat food, which he will be sharing with his fellow moggies at Shropshire Cat Rescue. I was lucky enough to grab a few quick words with him in the aftermath of his victory...

Hello Luvly. How do you feel about winning the title of The Internet's Toughest Cat?
Feelings? Feelings are for the weak and emotional. Er, what's the Internet??

Can you tell us a little bit about your life?
I don't remember much about the beginning. They've told me I was in a bad way and that now I'm a little miracle. Of *course* I'm a miracle, I'm Luvly, and don't you forget it. Daily routine goes something like this........in the mornings one of my servants brings me tasty morsels before I start my daily patrol. There's the elderlies to check in on - that can take a while because they can't half go on. By mid morning my claws need sharpening and as luck would have it there are always four wonderful scratching posts one on each corner of the tin boxes that the hoomans move about in. Then I might go for a siesta in one of the many hideyholes there are dotted around. After a snooze I will go bother the girls in the office, honestly, their grammar leaves alot to be desired but at least I get to torment the mouse. Climbing up trees or on the shed rooves is something I particularly enjoy - from up there I can survey my domain. Early evening more servants arrive with more food, before I cosy up for the night.

And what do you think are your particular "hard cat" qualities?
All this talk of me being hard, pah, I'm a pussycat! I had nothing to do with next door's dog going into therapy. Honest. And what do they expect if I lie on my back for a tummyrub? Of *course*I'm going to grab, that's what claws are for. Can't have people thinking I'm a softie now can I

Finally, what do you plan to do with your winnings, and how are you thinking of celebrating?
As I'm a generous soul I'm going to share the Applaws with some of my comrades, and the elderlies, who are queuing up for it already. Thought I might also have a cattogram. But bet they won't think of that.............