In other news, Shipley is still a bit of a dick

Guest Reader's Cat Of The Month: Peaches

Name:

Peaches

Nicknames:

Perfect Purry Peaches Pink Nosed Pussy Cat, Cheesey Peas, Peachey or Pea. 

Theme tune:

Beethoven’s Pastoral, especially if it is whistled by Jane.  I also get excited if she whistles the theme from The Great Escape. 

Age:

13 ½ 

Owners:

I have lived with Jane and Richard and their two daughters since I was a kitten.  I don’t consider them as ‘owners’, they are my dedicated staff.  

Brief biography:

I am a pure Bristol cat.  Jane rescued my mummy Jenny-fur-purr, when she went to collect some ducks for the Community Farm she worked at.  Jenny-fur-purr was meant to go to another home but the person adopting her changed their mind.  I was born onto a towel in a cat basket under the dining table whilst Jane was out running a course on willow sculpture.  Unfortunately I was born with a virus that caused my eye problems.  Jane and Rich kept my sister Apricot-Echo and I. We moved to Buckinghamshire when I was 6 months old to a house with an enormous garden.  Sadly Apricot-Echo died suddenly 4 years ago, we think she ate something poisonous. 

Catchphrase:

Purrriiip! This translates as ‘look at me, feed me, cuddle me and GET UP AND FEED ME’ I also use it to demand that the fire is lit for me on cold nights.

Favourite habits:

Sleeping, eating, looking really cute, washing my beautiful fur, playing with my Plague rat, chasing Katy Kitty Beans around the bedroom as if we were participating in an old style Wall of Death motorbike show.  I also enjoy cuddling up on Jane, duvets, cushions or in front of the log fire. I like sitting on the third stair up to wait for Jane when she comes home from work.  Giving Rich nose rubs is fun too. Sitting on Jane’s pillow and waking her up in the small hours of the morning by batting her on the face or occasionally sitting on her head, this is the best fun a cat can have! I also like to leave my stinky fish toy lined up equidistant to other objects, such as the edge of stairs, doorways and furniture.  Given my virtual blindness, I am millimetre perfect at this.  The dumb humans thought that each other were responsible for this until I was observed leaving it pointing directly at the bedroom door.  Jane has even got the tape measure out to check up on my perfection!  

Perfect evening:

Once I have full belly, I like nothing better than to sit on Jane, especially if she has a woolly jumper on.  If I am really lucky she will be watching rugby or reading a good book which means that she sits still for more than 10 minutes and I can really slob out.

Favourite food:

Any meat or fish, cheese, gravy and marmite.

Defining moment:

When I was 4 months old, I was wandering along a wall near a footpath when some idiot scooped me up and took me to the RSPCA shelter.  The idiot thought I was unloved because of my eyes.  My eyesight is terrible and I had been booked into have the really bad eye removed by a vet but it had been postponed due to a death in my staff’s family.  Thankfully Jane called all the right people and I was quickly traced to the RSPCA shelter.  Rich came to collect me and the nice RSPCA staff did not have to ask for proof of ownership because I heard Rich’s voice and when he picked me up I rubbed his nose, cranked up my best purr and would not let go!  Until this time I had only ever followed the sound of Jane’s voice or her finger clicking.  Afterwards I learnt to trust Rich, he is my saviour but I do not trust other people at all.

Enemies:

Gonads and the ducks.  Gonads is a young bully cat who lives in one of the houses nearby.  He jumps on me when I go out to use the garden ‘facilities’.  Jane calls him Gonads and says she’ll have them if she catches the (Bleep bleep) git.  I am not sure what that means but it doesn’t sound very nice!  The ducks were cute at first and I spent a few months watching over them, they quickly grew up and now they chase me through the cat flap and nip my tail!  Jane says it is because I am fox coloured, they don’t do it to Katy who is a tortoiseshell.

If you could make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?

I would like all cats to have good food, lots of love and a warm open fire to curl up in front of.  Jane says I should also want all boy cats to have their gonads removed, I think she is very rude!

Which celebrity would you most like to meet?

According to Jane, we do not ‘do’ celebrities. I would pick someone intelligent and kind to cats. I’d like to meet Tom Cox.  Even if Tom’s books made Jane laugh so hard I fell of off her lap several times whilst she was reading them! If not Eddie Izzard, he does some excellent stand-up cat comedy.

Which of the cats in Under The Paw, Talk To The Tail or The Good, The Bad And The Furry would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?

I’d like to meet them all. I am most torn between The Bear, Janet and the gorgeous Shipley! I love the description of Janet making friends with a senile fox, I think Janet could introduce me to some foxes so that I can get revenge on the ducks!  I have never sworn in my life, I spat at Katy Kitty Beans when she arrived 2 years ago but it would be great if Shipley could teach me to say some really bad swears like fucklecopter or spunkferret. If I met The Bear I would lick his ears and give him lots of cat kisses.

Another print of The Bear by my mum

I'd been really looking forward to this glass of water