Guest Cat Of The Month For August: Bertie Wooster

Name
Bertie Wooster.

Nicknames
I answer to Bertie, but I'm variously known as Mr Woo, the Wooster, B-Dub and Beh-weh.

Age
A youthfully exuberant two.

Owners
Ably attended to by L, to whom I'm a good deal attached.

Catchphrase
What ho! (Sometimes misheard as me-ow!)

Favourite habits
Following L around; voicing my opinion; waiting under the letterbox for the postman; licking and nibbling L's nose and generally being an affectionate popsy.

What constitutes a perfect morning for you?
I'm up with the lark and like to start the day with a dash of parkour around the flat to invigorate the system, before stretching myself across L's face and purring like the rumble of distant thunder, which ensures breakfast is served promptly. After I've fortified the old self with food, it's time to play - viz. a round with the practice golfball, chasing after a toy mouse, and so forth. Now some coves will use play to hone their hunting skills, but for me it's a chance to show off my rather spiffy interpretive dance moves. My carefully choreographed starjumps have been known to bring down the house. And of course no morning would be complete without a little light grooming. A gentleman likes to look his best.

Favourite food?
Cuts of toothsome chicken from M&S with a dainty saucer of cat milk on the side.

Defining moment of your life?
Meeting L. It's not easy to find words to describe that defining moment, if you see what I mean. What I mean is, you get a moment like that - defining you might say - when you know you've met the person you're supposed to be with. And I say that with a lot of not unmanly sentiment.

Any enemies?
Lick and let lick is the Wooster motto.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?
I'd introduce every child to a puss like me, in the hope that they would learn to care for animals and never be cruel to them.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
Stephen Fry. He seems a brainy old bird and a jolly good wheeze to boot, by Jove.

Biography
Being a young chappie, my memoirs at this time are dashed slim and short on scandal. I'm content just to exist beautifully.