1. Get the names of my favourite two cats tattoed inside a heart on my back, with the word “Forever” inscribed beneath it in gothic lettering.
2. Name a star in honour one or more of my cats.
3. Encourage one of my cats to eat by taking a mouthful of its food, then rubbing my stomach and saying “Yum yum yum”.
4. Check my cats’ horoscopes.
5. Sit my cats down in a circle and read them said horoscopes.
6. Purchase a cat stroller or pushchair.
7. Abandon essential household furniture in order to make way for elaborate oversized scratching posts or imported “cat condos” (e.g. The Naughty Paws Bungalow: RRP $475).
8. Purchase a dressing gown with the name of a cat food manufacture embroidered on it or save up “bonus points” then send off for said garment free of charge.
9. Wear one of these: