Photo of me and George, taken by one of my other cats

Cats are brilliant. Their talents never cease to amaze me. Here, for example, I'm holding one in the air, so it can use my camera to take a photo of me and another one:

Ringo Always Had To Be A Bit Different

CAT TIP

Don't get cats.

GUEST LITERARY CAT OF THE WEEK: MARZIPAN, OWNER OF ZOË HOWE

Name
Marzipan

Nicknames

Marzi, Little Bear, Boo Boo, the Boo Boo Bear, Great Big Pie, Pie-pan, Toffee-pops, Bing Bong Smythe (me neither).

Theme Tune
The words 'You're a boo boo bear' sung to the tune of The Beatles' 'I Wanna Be Your Man'. I know. Also, when I'm running daintily hither and thither, as I occasionally do, 'Diga Diga Doo' by Duke Ellington is my 'jam'.  

Age 

6 

Owners 

Pahaha! I don't think so. Zoë  and Dylan work for me, if that's what you mean. Zoë is a music writer and writes books about rock 'n' roll and Dylan is a drummer. They do try to keep the noise down for me though, so don't worry about that.

Brief biography

I was adopted from a rescue centre in Essex after six months on a little shelf next to my litter tray. There wasn't much room in there because they'd done such a great job and rescued so many stray cats. I didn't really like the other cats - one of them kept bopping me - so I stayed up on my shelf but I did keep smiling and when Zoë and Dylan came in, I was particularly charming. The rest is history. My previous owner was bed-ridden but I used to cheer him up, and that's where I get my habit of doing a pre-leap 'Geronimo!' miaow when I'm about to jump on the bed from, so I don't give anyone a shock. My previous name was Maggie May but I'm very glad they changed it to Marzipan (because my coat reminds them of Christmas cake mix, apparently) because I don't like Rod Stewart.

Catchphrase

'OOOH!' (genuine 'ooh!' sound that I make when food appears)


Favourite habits

Staring, smiling, bopping Zoë in face or on head in the morning, playing with my mouse AND catnip fish AND scratching post simultaneously, sneaking up on my persons and then zooming off, conversing with my neighbouring moggy Mr Black, walking on - and indeed sitting on - Zoë's laptop while she's trying to work and adding my own contributions, doing 'Neighbourhood Mog Watch', which is a very important job that entails staring out of the windows - front and back - as often as possible. 

I wouldn't say this was a habit but if one of my persons is a-bed with the flu, I like to contribute by bringing them daily mice, because they can't go to the shops and stuff. The only thing is I'm not that keen on mice and get a bit freaked out by them, but the persons always seem to know what to do. They certainly disappear pretty fast, so I guess they must really appreciate them. Once Zoë accidentally managed to let the mouse back out but I got it back in again. Marzi to the rescue as usual. You're welcome!

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?

Games, obviously, that's how I keep this fabulous figure in shape. Washing my built-in cape. Eating, of course - and by the way, I like my meals to be served to me properly. I have been known to sit about a foot away from the dish, even when it's full, because I like the food to be ceremoniously presented to me, preferably with the words, 'Ooh, Marzi, look at this lovely food!' Then I eat. 

Cuddles, I'm more cuddly now a year after I was adopted. I've decided I like these people. I then like to go to sleep on my blanket on the right hand seat of the sofa, and if anyone is sitting on it when I decide it's bedtime, then I'm afraid I do have to make a bit of a fuss. 

Favourite food

Bozita meaty chunks, cheese, the occasional corner of a chip. Mad for Dentabits too.

Defining moment of your life
Being adopted by my persons. I hadn't been having a very good time but they came and rescued me. They'd come to see another cat but I did my best smile at them and they fell in love (naturally) and took me straight home. Hooray! Oh, and meeting Mr Black. He's sort of my boyfriend. Sorry chaps!

Any enemies?

The hoover. Thankfully it seems to be Zoë's enemy too though. I don't like the sound of trumpets very much either. My worst nightmare would be if trumpets and hoovers were combined in some kind of mad scientific experiment. I wouldn't like that. 

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be?

I would ban IAMs because it gave me cystitis which has been a recurring problem ever since, and has been known to cause kidney problems in other cats too sadly. Ooh, and neutering. Neuter those moggies! Ok, that's two things. Sorry.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?

The MGM Lion without a doubt. I've been trying to emulate him for years, and I'd love to know what makes him tick, not to mention what fur-care products he uses. Helluva mane.

Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with?
Janet sounded like my kind of moggy and we'd have had fun, I think. Rest in peace. The Bear sounds a bit too much like Mr Black and I wouldn't want him to think he'd been usurped.x

Junk Sculpture Brother For Floyd

My mum recently found a 1950s mangle (or a wringer, as it's known in America) at a car boot sale. Out of this, and an empty packet of Whiskas Dentabits, she has made a junk sculpture cat. This serves as a new brother for Floyd, the kitten that she and my dad adopted last summer, who's been feeling a bit sorry for himself, as his best pal, Casper the white ghost cat who lives nextdoor, hasn't been round to see him quite as much recently. He was a little unsure about manglecat at first...

But has begun to warm to him slightly...

Read more about Floyd.

Advice For Kitten Owners. 13: Your Kitten's First Shower

There are few things a kitten of 4-5 months likes better than a lengthy, revitalising shower. Most good pet shops sell showers specially made for kittens in many varying sizes. Don't fuss too much or be overbearing when first placing your kitten in its new shower. Allow it to find its favoured position at its own leisure and adjust the temperature of the shower to a level that suits its own individual needs.

More advice for kitten owners

Talk To The Tail

My Favourite Cat Photo Of This Week - By About 77770000 Miles

My friend Jackie Morris - with whom I went feline-walking earlier this year - always takes the best cat photos in the world, but I think she might have surpassed herself with this one of her ginger clan...