Guest Cat Of The Month - (All The Way From New Zealand) Squeaky

Name?
Squeaky

Nickname?
Button, Button-face, DJ Squizzizle (my rap name), Bratty Brat.

Age?
About 6.5 years.

Owner?
I own one hyooman, that is my mum, Liz.

Catchphrase?
‘Not conceited, I’m as good as I say I am’
‘It’s Squeaky, b*tch’

Favourite habits?
I like to eat the Foods. I also like to help my mum with things like Computing on the Computer (spreadsheets) and businesses in the Kitchen (helping in the Kitchen is good because sometimes I get Cheese and that is a Treat for being so helpful).
Because I am so important I have to spend a lot of time keeping myself in top condition. This includes Doing Scratches on things like couches and walls to keep my claws sharp. (Mum then has to sand and fill and paint the walls to get a ‘bond’ back, but that’s ok because I help with this too. And maybe get Cheese).
ReowReowReowing at my mum and other hyoomans. I like to do this especially in the middle of the night, to see if they are paying the correct amount of attention to me. Or if they may like to give me some Foods, for being so good.
I am an expert on Packet Opening and have a finely honed skill for hearing Packets and Cans being opened within a 5km radius.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?
Eating Foods, then having some pats - but only the exactly right amount of pats, on the exactly right angle, applied with the exactly right amount of pressure. (Otherwise I will have to BITE.) Then I like to be carried around the house to different hyoomans so they can pat me (correctly) and compliment me. Then have some more Foods, and top the evening off with some Party Mixes, and maybe have some photos taken of me.

Favourite food?
TUNA!! And Party Mixes!! And Eukanuba! Also - I want whatever you’re eating, including (but not limited to) pizza, burritos, 2 minute noodles, toast, mushrooms, cheese, yoghurt, curry, Portuguese chicken, hot dogs, etc. Once I tried to steal hot chips off a seven year old child, and also once I stole a chicken wing from the bin, ate it, and hid the bone in a handbag. I get away with these things because I am so Clever.

Defining moment of your life?
When I decided to not be homeless and go live at my mum’s flat. This was good because then I was allowed inside the house, and I could sleep in a king size bed (I even let mum sleep in it too), and have a best friend who is a hyooman. Also I could have all these Foods and could just do whatever I wanted. Mum says I’m the best cat in the world, I think this is true.

Any enemies?
I do not like dogs. A dog came to my house and I hit him in the face. I also do not like dvds about Lions, because the roaring upsets me. I hate aerosol cans.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?
I would make Tuna into land animals. (Tuna are obviously quite small because they fit in a small can. I think I would catch a lot of Tuna if they were on land.)

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
I am quite important, so if I was another cat or hyooman I would probably just want to meet myself. Maybe if there was a solid gold statue of me, I would meet that.

Which one of the cats in Under The Paw would you like to be stuck in a lift with?
Pablo, because he is quite Good-Looking like me and would make a good Wing Cat.

Brief biography?
About 3 and a half years ago I was homeless, I was living in the bush because some people had moved house and left me behind. I was just about to go to the SPCA then I decided not to go there, and to live with my mum instead. She didn’t know what my name was then, but she worked out it was Squeaky because of all the ReowReowReowing. Since then I have become very Large and Important, and I now manage a staff of four hyoomans (including mum, who is my best friend), and one other cat (my brother Andy).