Under The Paw

Friday, 30 August 2013

EXCLUSIVE: The Bear asks world-renowned cat expert John Bradshaw some questions about his troubled condition

John Bradshaw, whose excellent new book Cat Sense I just reviewed for the Observer, has very kindly taken some time to try to help The Bear solve some issues that are troubling him....

John Bradshaw's answer: "It’s probably down to the education they received. Some mother cats try to teach their cats how to hunt, maybe yours didn’t. Or perhaps you’re just naturally lazy."

JB's answer: "Cats’ eyes are great for seeing in the dark, but pretty rubbish in full daylight. So loss of eyesight in old age isn’t so much of a problem as it is for humans. But make sure your human knows that in future he shouldn’t move the furniture around, because you’ll bump into it all the time."

JB's answer: "Smells are cats’ post-it notes (or should that be p*ssed-it notes?). Cats of advanced years, with their failing eyesight and unreliable memory, find it comforting to be able to find their way to their favourite places by following a familiar smell. (Or it could conceivably be revenge for your human unwisely comparing you to Brian Sewell.)"

JB's answer: "Intelligent enough to have worked out that staring at a human doesn’t provoke a fight in the way staring at another cat might."

Pre-order the new book about The Bear, The Good, The Bad And The Furry.

Sunday, 25 August 2013

Guest Writer's Cat Of The Month: Frog

Name?

Frog.

Nicknames?

Froggie, Mister Froggens, Cinnamon Bun, Bunny, Tweety Bird. Those last few ones are sort of the worst.

Theme Tune?

Something melancholy. There’ve been a few songs written in my honor over the years – upbeat efforts performed without instrumentation and focused on such themes as “taking my medicine” and “getting on the bed”. I tolerate them. But I don’t necessarily enjoy them.

Age?

Old enough.

Owners?

Writer Anna Holmes and her estranged husband, Paul. But let’s be clear, I own them, they don’t own me.

Brief biography?
Born and raised in New York alongside my dearly departed brother, Toshi. We had Anna all to ourselves for 12 years before Paul came along, and then we acquired him as well. (He’s allergic to me, but he doesn’t seem to mind.) I used to be a master explorer and a bit of a brawler but in the past few years I’ve grown out of that phase. Now my interests involve cat beds fashioned from discarded clothing and clean, crisp, cold water straight from the refrigerator.

Catchphrase?

I don’t do catchphrases.

Favourite Habits?

Eating treats. Sleeping in secret spots. Giving Anna soulful looks. Purring.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?

See above.

Favourite food?

I used to enjoy the finer foods on offer – the expensive yuppie stuff made from "human grade" meat. Now I like to feed my face with the crap from Fancy Feast. Why not? Despite what they say about cats, we only live once.

Defining moment of your life?

Probably the first time Anna moved apartments and my brother and I hid under the bed for two weeks straight. I’m still a little sore about it.

Any enemies?

The stray cats on the other side of the fence at my old place in Queens. Although I suspect they were bothered by me more than I was bothered by them.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be?

Require every cat companion to place an adjustable, 75-watt desk lamp directly above a freshly laundered and folded towel. It provides an absolutely lovely heat.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?

I’m not much interested in displays of fame or fortune. But since you asked: The late, great, Edward Gorey. I appreciate his sensibility. Although I could do without the fur coat collection.

Which one of the cats in Under The Paw and Talk To The Tail would you like to be stuck in a lift with?

The Bear. I have no patience for showboating or hysterics. (Except my own, of course, and then only after I’m stowed away in my cat carrier.) Plus, The Bear and I are members of the same world-weary, mid-90s generation: We have a common vocabulary. Does he like that English emo goth stuff? I don’t think we’d bond over that. I’m from New York. Things are bit grittier and in your face when it comes to expressions of dissatisfaction and ennui.